My friend, bless his heart, decided to become a day trader after watching a YouTube video. He treated it like a video game, except the pixels were dollars. He’d dramatically announce his trades, things like, “All in on WidgetCorp! This is going to the moon!” Three hours later, he’d be muttering, “The moon appears to be made of cheese…expired cheese.” His “strategy” involved charts with lines that looked suspiciously like doodles and pronouncements based solely on his gut feelings. His gut, it turned out, was a terrible financial advisor. One day, he proudly declared he’d doubled his investment… in Beanie Babies. Yes, the 90s are calling, and they want their collectible plush toys back.
Then there was the time my uncle tried to invest in cryptocurrency. He’d heard whispers of “Bitcoin” and “Blockchain” and envisioned himself lounging on a yacht. The only problem? He thought cryptocurrency was actual physical coins you could hold. He marched into a bank demanding to buy “ten Bitcoin dollars.” The teller, trying to maintain professional composure, gently explained the digital nature of crypto. Undeterred, he insisted on seeing the “vault where they keep the Bitcoin.” He left empty-handed, convinced the banking system was rigged against him. He later told me, conspiratorially, that he suspected Bitcoin was made of invisible gold dust.
A colleague of mine once received a substantial inheritance. She’d always been a bit… frugal. Let’s just say she knew the price of every item at the dollar store by heart. Suddenly flush with cash, she decided to diversify her portfolio. Instead of stocks or bonds, she purchased a lifetime supply of discounted mayonnaise. Her logic? “It’ll never go bad! I’ll always have condiments!” Her pantry became a towering shrine to emulsified egg yolks and vegetable oil. Six months later, she was desperately trying to give away mayonnaise at the office. Nobody wanted a lifetime supply of mayonnaise, even at a steep discount.
Another friend, a self-proclaimed “financial guru” (emphasis on the quotes), swore by penny stocks. His reasoning? “Huge potential! Imagine buying a stock for a penny and it going to a dollar!” What he failed to mention was the immense potential for those penny stocks to become worth… well, less than a penny. He’d call me with breathless excitement, describing companies with names like “Squirrelly Widgets, Inc.” and “Unicorn Dreams Software.” He lost so much money on those ventures that I started referring to his investment strategy as “Financial Squirrellyness.” He finally stopped when he realized he could have bought a decent coffee with the money he lost on one particular stock’s plummet.
Finally, there’s the classic tale of the retiree who invested his entire life savings in a Nigerian prince’s “urgent” business venture. Despite numerous warnings, he was convinced he was about to receive a multi-million dollar payout. He pictured himself donating generously to his church and finally purchasing that vintage car he’d always wanted. The only thing he received was a profound lesson in the importance of skepticism and a slightly lighter bank account. He still answers every email from overseas dignitaries, just in case. You never know, right?